CHICAGO, Monday, June 14, 1976. Hospital officials confirmed today the safe arrival of Margaret Ellis, described by attending nurses as "remarkably alert" and "clearly destined for great things." Proud family members were seen distributing cigars and telephoning relatives well into the evening.

Those close to Margaret predict a life marked by legendary lasagna and unbeatable crossword times. Experts consulted by this newspaper declined to argue the point.

Sources further indicate that Margaret will one day be heard declaring, with characteristic conviction, "Well, that's one way to do it." A phrase this reporter expects to be repeated at family gatherings for decades.

MILWAUKEE, Saturday, June 12, 1976. In a ceremony that observers are already calling the event of the season, Margaret & Tom Ellis exchanged vows before a gathering of family and friends. Witnesses report that the couple appeared radiant, the cake was generously proportioned, and not a single dry eye remained in the house.

Those close to Margaret & Tom Ellis predict a marriage marked by Sunday drives, slow dances in the kitchen and fifty years of friendly crossword rivalry. Experts consulted by this newspaper declined to argue the point.

Sources further indicate that Margaret & Tom Ellis will often be heard declaring, with characteristic conviction, "We'll take the scenic route." A phrase this reporter expects to be repeated at family gatherings for decades.

CLEVELAND, Tuesday, September 4, 1984. A new name appeared on the payroll this morning as Robert Hale reported for a first day on the job, arriving early, pencils sharpened and lunch in hand. Supervisors described the new hire as "eager," "remarkably capable" and "clearly going places," and at least one colleague was overheard predicting a long stay.

Those close to Robert predict a long and storied career marked by a perfect attendance record, a desk drawer full of peppermints and the best advice in the building. Experts consulted by this newspaper declined to argue the point.

Sources further indicate that Robert will often be heard declaring, with characteristic conviction, "Measure twice, cut once." A phrase this reporter expects to be repeated at family gatherings for decades.